Outta My Head
by LooneyBalloon
Summary: Everyone knows Derek's life sucks. Tonight is even worse. It's been a long night and it only gets longer when he is plagued by memories of someone he held dear to his heart, someone he loved more than anyone, by... her. RATED M for Language, Violence, and Mild Sexual Content.


**Title: Outta My Head  
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**Summary: Everyone knows Derek's life sucks. Tonight is even worse. It's been a long night and it only gets longer when he is plagued by memories of someone he held dear to his heart, someone he loved more than anyone, by... her.  
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**Rating: M**

**Warnings: Language, Violence, Mild Sexual Content  
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**Spoilers: I tried to avoid spoilers, but there might be a few.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.  
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**A/N: This is just an idea I had one night that I couldn't help but put down on paper. This is just a little one shot where I make Derek's life suck even more than it already does. At the end, I have another author's note to explain something that you might not understand or add details I didn't want to give away now. Also, ****the flashbacks and the story are all told from third person in order to give you more information.  
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Derek Hale. A man you hate. A man you pity. A man you simply don't understand.

He leads a life of pain, misery, and death. Every person he's ever cared about, every person he's ever trusted, every person he's ever lived for has let him down in one way or another, or even worse, he's let them down. Most of them are dead, and the other's he has to look in the eye every day. Nothing works out for this man. Ever. It seems as if everything he touches spirals into chaos.

Today is no different. His pack is limping home after a brutal fight with a group of hunters. Right now though, he doesn't care. Instead, he is wallowing in his own self-pity. Pacing his new apartment, if you could call it that, and refusing to submit to the emotions flooding his body. He refuses to cry. He refuses to throw a temper-tantrum. He just refuses to accept the catastrophes that plague his life. Most of all, he refuses to admit that he's failing…

Derek can't accept failure. He has a pack. He must protect them. He can't fail these teenagers like he failed everyone before. He won't accept that he is weak, and everything about him is broken. Heart and mind, he _is_ broken. Every ounce of sympathy, happiness, and playfulness has been ripped out of his body. His morals have disappeared, and his will to continue fighting is failing him too.

As he fails to control his temper, again, he trashes his apartment. His bed thrown across the room. His nightstand splintering the wall. His coffee table overturned. Papers spewed across the floor. When the furniture runs out, he takes his fist through the brick wall. The pain is enough to pull him out of his fit of rage, for now, but as he grips his hand waiting for it to heal, a memory of… her flashes through his mind.

_Her giggly laughter can be heard for miles around. She's just so happy all the time. Derek can't stop thinking about her. All he can see is sparkling stars dancing around her perfect face as her hair flies in the wind, and her nose scrunched up from laughing so hard. He should just walk right up to her and smooth talk his way into her heart, but he just can't. They're friends. They've been friends since forever. He can't…_

_WHAM! The football sails into the cheek bone, and there he goes face first into the dirt. The pain is short lived, but he mumbles to himself in anger. Derek should have seen it coming. His senses should have warned him. His best friend, the idiot who threw the ball when Derek wasn't paying attention, runs up to him laughing his ass off. "Damn, man! What the hell happened!?" His friend catches wind of a familiar giggle and shifts his gaze in her direction. It clicks. "Ohhh… Dude. Just go talk to her already! You've never had any problems with the ladies. Stop being a pansy, and work your magic!"_

_"Shut up, Wyatt." Derek grumbles. He's fuming. She must have seen that happen. How couldn't she have? Then, Derek's eyes go wide as a thought crosses his mind. Little does Wyatt know, but she can hear them! Her heightened senses can detect their conversation just fine._

_"Derek, I don't know what to say to you. All I know is you've got it bad. Like real bad." Wyatt continues to laugh. His laugh is loud enough to make Derek want to cover his ears in annoyance, but he ignores it in favor of stealing another glace at… her. That's when their eyes meet. She is staring directly into his eyes, a kind smile crossing her face, an almost unnoticeable wave of her hand, and two words escaping her lips. "Smooth, ace." She said it so low that it almost felt like she whispered it directly into his ear. It was soft sarcasm, but it sounded like angels singing in Derek's mind, and he knew, she was saying it just for his ears._

_Wyatt and Derek slowly crossed the football field, to Derek's dismay, heading in the opposite direction of that ever elusive girl, and went to get ready for their next class. Neither were that excited for last period Chemistry. As a matter of fact, Wyatt slept through the entire class while Derek spaced out. His mind went wandering to a place in his mind where he could be with the angel herself. Apparently, Mr. Rupert took notice to Derek's lack of attention (completely ignoring Wyatt's snoring) and called on him for a question. Derek was a smart young man, but he didn't have a clue what the teacher was talking about. He slowly pulled himself out of his fantasy land and fumbled for a sarcastic remark, but he was saved by the bell. Sort of._

_"Don't forget to do your homework! Marcus! I'm serious. You're going to fail if you don't get your act together. Class dismissed." Mr. Rupert hollered to the class as they fled their living hell. Derek had almost slipped out the door when the teacher yelled, "Except for you, Mr. Hale!" Derek cursed under his breath, rolled his eyes, and turned on his heels to face the old hag. _

_Mr. Rupert went on a tirade about how Derek was an intelligent individual who needed to pay attention in class, and how if he didn't pass his class, he wasn't going to be playing football much longer. Derek didn't hear any of his teachers rant, and it wasn't until Mr. Rupert shouted, "Derek, are you listening to me?!" that Derek tuned back into the real world. Mr. Rupert threw another fit, and handed him his test from two days ago. At the top there was a huge, fat "15" written in red marker. Derek sighed heavily. To add insult to injury, Mr. Rupert added, "And the only reason you got a fifteen was because you spelled your name correctly! Now get out!"_

_Derek stomped out of the class room and soon found himself next to his sister's car. His anger spiked when he saw Laura was late again. She didn't have volleyball practice. No, it was probably that new boyfriend of hers. Derek's temper spilled over, and he punched his sister's car. It wasn't full force, but it was certainly enough to put a large dent in it and break his hand. Laura was going to kill him. The sound of crunching rocks reached his ears, and he angrily turned around. "About time, Lau…" He stopped short. It wasn't Laura. It was… her._

_"Oooo… Your sister is going to __**kill**__ you." There is that cute giggle again. Derek grumbled silently in response. He wasn't going to make a fool of himself in front of her… again. "You know, you should probably watch what you're doing in public. Someone might see." Her words were kind, her voice was soft, and even with an obvious statement, she sounded wise beyond her years._

_Derek was about to release a rude, snarky remark, but when he opened his mouth to say it, nothing came out. His voice refused to say what his mind was screaming. She looked at him with his mouth agape and laughed at his angry and confused facial expression. Before Derek had a chance to recover from his flub, she wandered off towards a car with her three siblings waiting on her. God, he loved the way her hips swung. Fresh from her fifteenth birthday, she looked hardly her age. As an early bloomer, everything about her was so much more mature than everyone else in their sophomore class. _

Derek shook his head in rage. No. He didn't want to think about her. His poor, feeble heart can't take any more pain right now, but he doesn't have the energy to fight any longer. Not now. This isn't the first time he's felt so helpless and sad, so weak and drained. Every death he's ever encountered puts him further and further into his own despair. He begs for it to be gone. He begs for her to come back, but he knows, she can't. Derek knows she is gone forever. The hole in his chest that will never be filled, and the loneliness that will never fade away. With nothing left to take his anger, frustration, and hurt out on, he slides down the floor, bends his knees, rests his elbows on them, and hangs his head low.

His nose in close proximity to his chest alerts him of what he smells like. Sweat, dirt, blood, and tree bark is heavily apparent to him, but then he catches that sweet, sweet scent of her. The scent he will carry with him until the day he dies. The scent she left on him when she claimed him for the rest of eternity. Her favorite coconut, then vanilla, and if not paid close attention to, the hint of ginger. Just smelling the sweet concoction sends his mind spinning. Every time he could remember the way she smelt filled his mind, but a specific time clings in his mind. A memory he's held onto for dear life.

_Derek had been gone for the week of the full moon with his family for a celebration. His girlfriend of a year stayed behind with her own pack. Her family had their own plans, but each and every night, he'd howl to her. The few times he was close enough for her to hear him, she'd return the favor. It was comforting for them to know the other was okay. _

_As the week came to end, his family slowly walked their way back through the forest towards their home. Derek was impatient and walked ahead of his family. He could hear his Uncle Peter and his wife Elsie laughing amongst themselves about young love and how cute Derek was. Nothing could wipe the smile off his face though and his heart raced in anticipation. When the eagerness grew to be too much, he'd release a howl letting his angel know he was almost home. The moment he walked into the clearing to his house, he spotted her. Standing there waiting, the twinkle in her eye that was reserved for only him, she waved a coy hand. Derek didn't return the wave; he just walked towards her. Unable to wait any longer, she took off into a run, and he caught her in his arms mid-air._

_Derek's nose was bombarded with her scent. She smelled just as heavenly as always. He had never been such a fan of coconut, vanilla, and ginger in his entire life. Today though, he picked up on something else. Another scent. It was… cupcakes? Yes. Cupcakes. This lady smelled like a freaking Bath and Body Works, but he didn't care. She could have smelled like the garbage truck, and he would have still wrapped her up in his arms. Just having her in his arms was all he could ask for right now. Derek had no idea what he ever did to deserve her. In werewolf culture, she was the definition of the ultimate mate. If she was eighteen, werewolves from all over the country, of all ages, would flock to Beacon Hills, California to ask for her hand. But, oh no, she was his for as long as she'd allow it. _

_The lovely lady, brought her soft lips up to his ear, kissing his cheek as she went, and whispered, "I missed you." Derek didn't have words to reply to her. His lips pelting her neck with kisses was enough for her. She didn't believe words were necessary. Derek's actions told her everything she needed to know. _

_After greeting the Hale family, the petite brunette dragged Derek into the forest for a walk. Holding his hand and babbling on and on about how her celebration went, Derek just listened to the sweet sounds coming from her mouth. He wasn't listening to her every word, but her voice was a lullaby he wanted to listen to forever. They finally reached her favorite cliff and stood there talking until the sun disappeared into the horizon. She grew silent, but Derek wasn't worried about it. The sound of her heartbeat was comforting to him. _

_Then, her heart rate suddenly sped up, like she was nervous. He didn't comment about it, and showed no sign of even noticing. All Derek did was wait for her to say what was putting her in a tizzy and watch her out of the corner of his eyes. She faced him, placed her left hand on his right wrist, and put her right hand on his right bicep. Her heart sped up a little more, but he remained patient with her. She let her forehead fall onto his shoulder, and Derek could hear her taking deep breaths to help calm herself. Her heart rate slowed to its normal rhythm, and with one last deep breath, she cupped the nape of his neck with her left hand. Derek took that as his cue to face her. As he turned, she brought her other hand up to intertwine her fingers together. On her tip-toes, she brought her lips up to his. _

_Derek got lost in her lips and pulled her closer to him. To his surprise, she pulled away as her heart rate raised again. He watched as she laid her head down on his chest and relaxed her arms around his neck. Then, Derek felt his senses telling him something was coming. Something was going to happen. He knew it wasn't danger, but it took him several minutes to finally determine what his instinct was trying to tell him. He could smell something strange on her, but when Derek finally solved his conundrum, he patiently waited to see if she'd follow through with it. _

_His girlfriend started talking into his chest. Derek could hear every word she was saying, but he loved the feeling of his chest vibrating with her speech. "I love you, Derek. You're a piece of work and completely complicated, but it doesn't matter to me. Something about us just clicks."_

_Derek hummed in approval, and then she made her move. Her lips started on his neck, and slowly, she delivered butterfly kisses all the way down to soft skin just above his muscular right peck, moving his shirt out of the way as she went. Then he felt it. He sensed it. He smelled it. She partially shifted. With only her canines out, she sunk her teeth into his soft tissue. Half out of pain, half out of pleasure, Derek unleashed an animalistic howl that never left his lips and only bellowed in his chest. She gently wiped away the leaking blood with her sweaters sleeve, and watched it heal before she buried her head into his chest again. _

_Derek took a moment to recover from the bite, but her ready-to-burst heart caused him to avert his attention to her sooner than he would've liked. "Babe…" She refused to look at him. He sighed slightly, and put his index finger under her chin. Her head raised to meet his, but her eyes were averted. No matter how much he tried, she wouldn't look him in the eyes. Eventually, he gave into that instinct that'd been nagging him since he could sense what she was going to do. Derek moved her long, straight hair to reveal her neck. He dove his nose into the sensitive skin and kissed her gently, until he too sank his canines into her. The noise that left her lips was even more strange and animalistic than the one he unleashed. A half-howl, half-whimper echoed amongst the trees and even drifted into the town. _

_He delicately lapped up the blood threatening to stain her blouse. When the wound had fully healed, Derek moved to look her in the eyes. She had tears pricking the edges of her eyes and her bottom lip captured between her teeth. Derek reached his thumb up and released her bottom lip from its prison only to take it captive between his teeth. He gently tugged on it, licked it slightly, and then fully kissed her lips. His lovely lady breathed a sigh of relief and allowed her heart rate to return to normal. With his forehead rested against hers, he gave her his million dollar smile. "Geez, babe. You're an impatient fox, aren't you?" She arched her eye brow at him in confusion. That caused him to chuckle a little. "I was going to do that sooner or later. I was just waiting for the perfect moment."_

_"Well sor-ry."Derek rolled his eyes at her irritated sarcasm._

_"Don't be." After planting another kiss on her lips, he continues. "I just got to ask, sweetheart. Why now? What made you want to do that tonight?"_

_Her eyebrows furrowed the way they always did when she was in deep thought. She took a moment to think about his question before she said, "While you were gone, I just felt… empty. I knew you were fine. I knew you were with your family, but I wanted you with me instead. I couldn't stand you being so far away, so I sat down right here for a few hours and thought it through. I guess, um… I figured out I wanted to be with you forever. I, uh, know we are supposed to be. I knew this is what I wanted." _

_Being a typically strong speaker, for her to say "um", "uh", and "I guess" so much was weird. With that in mind, Derek knew it was hard for her to put herself out there like that. "Why so nervous? I happily returned the favor, you know?"_

_"Yeah, I know. I just didn't want you to freak out on me or something. It's not like I asked if I could lay claim to you for the rest of your life and assure that no she-wolf comes within 3 feet of you. Get me?" Her soft giggle filled Derek's ears._

_"You do know your dad is going to kill me, right?" Derek's eyebrow was high, and she scoffed at him following a roll of her eyes._

_"He'll get over it. We may only be sixteen, but I wanted what I want clear before I turn eighteen and my front door is swarmed with idiots. You know my father would jump at the opportunity to get me the hell out of Beacon Hills. Plus, he doesn't scare me. I might be small, but the big, bad Teller Alpha doesn't scare me." Just then, her father's angry voiced traveled through the air. "Speaking of the Devil… Let's go."_

_Emerging from the woods, the young couple spotted her angry father, worried mother, and bored siblings. "Summer Nyla Teller! What do you think you're doing? I told you not to leave until we were done! You…" Her father's yelling got louder and louder with every word, but as he drew nearer, he could smell it. Upon realization to what happened, her father shifted. Claws, canines, and red eyes instantly appeared. With a loud, pissed off growl, her father tackled Derek to the ground. _

_"Dad! Stop it!" Summer demanded. Her father wouldn't listen._

_"You dare mate my daughter without my permission! She's a fucking sixteen year old girl! She could've..." _

_"Dad! I did it! I did it!" She shrieked over her father's screaming. Instantly, all eyes were on her. Derek's family stared on in surprise. They expected such a thing from the moronic boy, but not her. Her brothers and sister had already shifted, and their disapproving, yellow eyes glared holes into her back. Summer's mother stared on in understanding. She was once a young, in-love she-wolf too. _

_Even with everyone's eyes on Summer, she was only looking at Derek and her father. Derek had pleading eyes, begging her to shut up and let him take this punishment for her. The girl wouldn't have it. "I did it, dad! Not Derek! Me!" Her father shifted back into a full human and stared at her in shock. Slowly, he stumbled off of Derek and walked towards his stubborn daughter. _

_"What? Why? What were you thinking?! You could've had whoever you wanted in the world! Why would you throw that all away for him!? Now?!" Summer's eyes shifted to that pale lilac that strikes fear into fellow werewolves. A warning growl vibrated in her throat. _

_She walked towards Derek, who had just pulled himself up off the floor, and stood in front of him, pulling his arms around her and hugging them to her chest. "I love him, dad. That'll never change. And why the hell do you think I did it now?! I didn't want my eighteenth birthday to roll around, and have every idiot werewolf in America ringing on our front door, and then you try and marry me off to some random stranger! I want to be with Derek! And guess what? There's not a damn thing you can do about it now! He's mine. I'm his. Forever! You have two choices. You either accept it, or you can leave now and lose me as a daughter! You make your choice, because I already made mine." That was that. Summer put her foot down and no one was going to argue with that. She made a good point, but the reality of it was that she was a stubborn, bull-headed, young woman who had no problem standing up for what she believed in. She didn't take shit from anyone. Not even her father slash alpha._

The memory made Derek laugh. He loved that about her. He loved how strong she was. Derek's laugh fades, and that's when he spots his wallet lying on the floor next to him. It's open. He carefully picks it up, almost like it will break if he handled it too roughly. Right in front of him, her beautiful face stares back at him. That award winning smile, a cute sundress, her hair blowing in the wind, barely noticeable make-up, and the sun shining perfectly down on her, Derek can't find a single flaw. He can't find it in himself to close his wallet either. He's lost in her picture, and his memories of her. As his thumb gently crosses over the photo, a single tear falls, completely betraying his will to not cry.

In his defiance, he picks up a broken brick by his feet and flings it across the room. Why his body won't listen to him, he doesn't know, but Derek feels so lost. Throwing the brick wasn't enough. Something is filling up his throat that his brain cannot process. A half-howl, half-scream echoes throughout the practically empty apartment. Then, it spews out of his mouth. "Why? We swore to forever. I shouldn't be going through this again. I needed you before. I need you again. I couldn't have made it through the past ten years without you." Derek is mumbling to the picture of her. He's choking on just about every word that comes out of his mouth. "I don't know if I can make it the next ten without you… Dammit, I'm so, so sorry babe. It's all my fault… all my fault…" That's all it takes. Derek's shoulders hunch, his head falls slack, and his body convulses with sobs.

As the sobs grow stronger, Derek begins to think about the last time he cried this hard. That was a time when Summer was there to pick him up off the floor and prevent him from falling into the depths of hatred. The first time he truly thought he'd lost everything. If he knew then what he knows now, he would have lived his life very differently… The memories takes hold of him full force, and he's sucked into the past…

_High School Graduation was two days ago, but today is the official last day of school. It's a great feeling that both Summer and Derek can relish in. They have plans to go to college together, buy their first home, and get married the human way in the next few months. Wyatt is even trying to worm his way into living with them while they go to college. Derek is adamant. Wyatt will not live with them, but Summer has different plans. The dear best friend will be more than welcome to stay with them. Derek will just have to get over that. _

_As the last day of school festivities carry on, Derek hears his sister's 1968 Chevelle pull into the school's parking lot. Finally, Laura is here with the cake. Derek didn't have a clue why, but his sister was persistent about making the cake for her little brother's home room class party. Click. Click. Click. Her heels echo in Derek's ears as he waits for the cat calls. His sister was exceptionally popular amongst the senior boys. The talk of the town is that she is newly single too. Laura makes it into the class without interruption, but when the guys notice her, the room goes silent. The senior girls stare on in jealousy, some even slap their boyfriends upside the head for their inappropriate staring. After setting the cake down on the food table, Laura waltzes right up to Derek, who is the center of this particular party, and plants a kiss on his cheek while hugging him until he can't breathe. _

_"Congratulations, Little Brother! You're finally done with this hell hole." Laura is ecstatic. She is bubbly and bouncing for joy. This is usually when guys make fun of their friend, but when said guy is being hugged by his superhot sister, they have a tendency to stand back and star in envy. Every single guy surrounding Derek, hell, every guy in the room, wanted to have Laura hugging on them. That woman has no idea just how beautiful or desirable she is. Always the coy, modest one, she walks through life never noticing all the eyes on her or the whispers about her, much less the cat calls thrown her way all the time. This instance was no different. The amusement Summer got from seeing the distain on Derek's face was probably unhealthy. If it were up to Derek, he'd drag his sister home right now and lock her up in the basement so no man could ever mess with his sister. However, Derek doesn't always get his way, so he must sit through the rest of this party and watch as every guy in the class tries to dry hump her in front of everyone. Thankfully, that's just Derek's overprotective mind exaggerating._

_The minutes seemed like hours and the end of the party was nowhere in sight, or at least Derek thinks so. One guy got a little handsy with Laura, but before Derek could rip the guy's head off, literally, Summer stopped him. Plus, Laura's perfectly able of taking care of herself. Then, like sweet bliss, the annoying bell sounded. The day was over. Time to go home, stay up late watching movies with Summer, and pigging out on pizza was all Derek was thinking about. Forcefully, but kindly, Derek wrapped his arm around Summer's waist and dragged her away from her friends mid-sentence. She half-heartedly fought back and screamed the rest of her conversation from down the hall. _

_The ride back to Derek's house was filled with chatter. Laura and Summer couldn't stop talking. It got to the point where they were talking over each other, having two different conversations, and still paying attention to each other all at once. Derek tried to get in on the conversation, but he had no chance of keeping up with these ladies. He sat quiet in the backseat the entire time. As they drew nearer to the house, the talking slowly died. The alarm was so heavy in the car that it felt like they were wearing it. There was heavy, black smoke billowing to the sky from the direction of their house. Something was burning. _

_The scene they rolled up on was mass chaos. Fire trucks, ambulances, police cars, yellow tape, and dozens of people surrounded what was left of the Hale House. When they opened the car doors, the stench filled their nostrils. Laura broke down immediately. She could smell the burnt flesh. The house didn't matter. Those could be replaced. The possessions inside didn't matter. They could be replaced. But the people who were in the house, they mattered. They could never be replaced. The three young werewolves could tell, people burned with that house. Every Hale was in that house today except for Laura and Derek. The entire forest smelt of burnt flesh, and the group could tell, there were no survivors…_

_Derek and Laura heard nothing of what the police were saying. Their family was dead. That's all they cared about. The police could shove their words up their ass for all they cared. Neither Hale wanted to hear the typical "I'm sorry for your loss" and "Things will get better". Summer had to coach the police away from them. If they heard one more "I'm sorry" they were liable to shift and kill everyone within a ten mile radius of their house._

_Instead of indulging in their animalistic urge, the siblings sat on the burnt grass in front of their home and cried silently. Summer stayed strong and took care of business with the police. Answering a thousand questions about where they were, who would have wanted to murder the Hale family, why anyone would burn the house down, the questions went on and on. She held it together through it all though. Summer wanted to join Derek and Laura. She wanted to cry all night, all day, and into next week. She loved the Hale family as if they were her own, but she has to hold it together for her mate and his sister even though she can physically feel the pain Derek is in right now. She has yet to have shed one tear, and she will hold out until it is her turn. _

_The day grew into night. The police came and went. The smoke died down. But still, Laura and Derek sat in the same place crying to themselves. Both felt as if they had lost everything. Things were going right for Derek before this happened. He was finally out of school. He was fixing to go to college, get married, and start a family, but the rug got pulled out from under him today. Laura had a life in college. She had friends, hopes of moving to New York to become a journalist, and hoping to get out of the werewolf life. Laura wanted nothing more than to be normal, but that option was now gone. The rage in her gut built to its breaking point, and she shifted. She bellowed in anger, frustration, loss, and sadness. Soon, her body began to hurt. The pain, the animal took over. She felt it. Her eyes changed from yellow to red. She was now the Hale Alpha._

_During the entire process, Derek was half tempted to join her, but he fought the urge. Meanwhile, Summer was preparing to restrain her. Before Laura had a chance to lose her head, Summer felt trouble coming deep down in her bones. Hunters. Laura could sense it too. She was ready to rip them apart. Summer wasn't going to allow it though. She grabbed Laura's arm and shook her head no. The shifted younger werewolf made her message loud and clear. Laura accepted it. Summer rested a hand on the still broken down shoulder of Derek. "We have to leave, babe." Derek took notice to impeding danger and nodded his head. _

_Summer took the car keys from Laura and peeled out of the driveway. Going about eighty miles an hour, Summer was heading to her house on the opposite end of town. Somewhere they'll be safe for the night. That's what they need. Summer's brother opened the front door and instantly alerted the rest of the family that something was wrong. The Hale's ignored the Teller families questions and went to Summer's room. That left the lilac eyed teen to explain to her family what happened. It was the most difficult news she has ever had to deliver to anyone, especially when the two families were such close friends. _

_After a long night of mourning and questioning, the sun finally appeared in the horizon. Mrs. Teller offered coffee to the Hale siblings, her husband, Summer, and her three other children. Out of politeness, everyone accepted, but few actually drank. A question loomed in the room and weighed heavily on everyone's shoulders. Derek lost it. Accidentally shattering his mug and burning his hand, he slammed his fist down on the counter. "We have to do something! We can't just sit here and wait around!" _

_The group mulled over his words before Laura spoke up. "No." Derek looked at her, furry written all over his face. _

_"Are you crazy?! Laura! They just murdered our entire family! Did you fucking miss that or was I the only one there!?" Venom spewed from Derek's lips. His inner animal was fighting to take control. Summer sensed it and gently put her hand on the small of his back. He instantly, involuntarily, relaxed._

_"No, Derek. I was there. I saw what they did. But we can't. You know that. We'd condemn ourselves to death. That's what they want, and I refuse to give them what they want." Laura was calm, especially for a girl who just lost her entire family._

_"I don't care. They burned our family alive! They asked for war when they set that fire. There were children, humans in that house!" Derek paced around the room, leaving the comforting, calming hand of Summer in favor of allowing the animal rage to consume him._

_"Derek! What would Mom say!?" Laura slammed her hand against the counter and stared at her brother begging for answers. Laura's words stopped him dead in his tracks. He stared at her with pain embedded in his eyes. "Mom would have your head on a silver platter with wolfsbane garnishing's!"_

_"Don't bring Mom into this! After those damn hunters burned her brothers and sisters, her nieces and nephews, her parents, her husband, and her children, Mom would have ripped apart every Argent in town!" _

_Laura roared in anger. "I'm the Alpha, Derek! We are leaving town! End of discussion!" Laura's half-growling voice echoed throughout the house. The stomping of her feet upstairs and the slamming of a bedroom door finalized her words._

_Sure enough, early the next morning Laura was dragging Derek and Summer into her car kicking and screaming. Bags packed, goodbyes said, and money in hand, Laura drove East. "Where are we going Laura?" Derek whined from the backseat. Laura ignored him and just drove. Her eyes were staring intently at the highway ahead of her, her eyes flashing red now and again._

_They drove four long days, only stopping in rural areas at night to rest and stretch. Finally, large city lights and a sign reading "Welcome to New York" came into view. "Why would we go to New York? I thought you wanted to lay low? Don't you realize how many hunters swarm this area?" Derek slightly panicked. _

_"Relax, Derek. I know what I'm doing." Stress and exhaustion was evident on Laura. Black bags hung under her bloodshot eyes. _

_It turns out, Laura did have a plan. A pretty freaking good one at that. It was dangerous, but it was highly effective. Laura made their presence known in New York. She made it loud and clear to every hunter within a hundred miles that the surviving Hale werewolves were alive, well, and "living" in New York. After spending a week in New York and being nearly killed six times, the group fled New York in the dead of night. Not a damn hunter knew they left. _

_They drove south for two days, and ended up in the Tennessee Mountains. Hunters were scarce in Tennessee, and the mountains would give the young werewolves an advantage. Laura found a small, deserted cabin far away from neighboring cabins. The cabin reeked of moonshine, and oddly enough, whoever used the cabin before them had their own water and septic system set up. It was obvious the previous owner was indulging in some seriously illegal activity. That didn't matter to the werewolves though. The cabin had the necessities, was far from society, was near a lake, and had plenty of forest for them to train in._

_Adjusting was hard at first, but after a few weeks, they realized danger wasn't headed their way. Finally, the ability to relax set in. Laura and Derek dealt with their loss differently, but both were getting use to their new lives._

_It was almost a year later when Derek turned back into his old self. When Summer was finally able to completely break through Derek, she convinced him to take her shopping at the little local store. He was reserved and quiet on the way there, but he loosened up while they were shopping. After two hours, Derek was laughing, holding her hand, and even getting playful. It wasn't until the drive home that the real fun began._

_Derek was driving a black Chevrolet Silverado. He hand one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on his arm rest. Summer was misbehaving though. She was being particularly distracting to Derek. Summer was leaning over the center console with her right hand suggestively rubbing his knee, and her left hand pulling at the tiny hairs on the nape of his neck. She was kissing, nipping, sucking, and licking his neck while occasionally whispering dirty comments in his ear. Between Summer's sexual behavior and the smell of her sex filling up the car, Derek was out of his mind. He was swerving slightly left and slightly right, the animal in him demanding he give his mate what she wants. He fought the urge and tried to maintain focus on the road, but he was epically failing. Derek couldn't drive in a straight line to save his life at this point. "Baby, take it easy!" Derek pleaded with her to have mercy on him._

_Summer only laughed and said, "It'll be fine." Her behavior continuing as she laughed, giggled, and was genuinely having fun playing with his mind. A cop suddenly lights up behind him, and this causes Summer to erupt in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. The sight of Derek's mortified face and his practically busting jeans was almost enough for Summer to die. _

_Derek pulled over his truck and rolled his window down to see a young, local cop staring at him. "Sir, have you been drinking this evening?"_

_"No, sir." Derek tried to keep his cool, but he was redder than a ripe tomato. _

_"You do realize you were swerving all over the road?" The cop raised his eyebrows._

_"Yes, sir. I know I'm all over the road. I really apologize for that. It's just…" Derek fumbled for a bit, unsure of what he should tell the officer._

_Summer leaned over the console and ducked her head to look the cop in the eye. "Officer. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I'm being rather impatient."_

_The cop peered in the truck and was looking for clues as to what was going on. Oh, and he found it. If it was possible, Derek turned even more red. "You could cause an accident with that type of driving. I should write you a ticket."_

_Derek replied, "I'm sorry, sir. It's just a little hard to drive with her…"_

_Derek trailed off again and Summer continued for him. Derek was mortified with what came out of her mouth next, but the innocent look on Summer's face was irresistible. "I was being distracting, Officer… Miller. I'm horny, and I just can't keep my hands off this man. I've been begging him to get me home faster, but he refuses to speed. I promise I'll keep my hands off until we get home." _

_Officer Miller looked at her, a little embarrassed by her too-much-information-blunt comment, and finally said, "I'll let you off with a warning this time. Don't let me catch you two recklessly driving again." The cop paused, uncomfortable shifted his feet, and then continued, "And ma'am, I understand your… situation, but please keep safety in mind. Keep your hands to yourself until you get home." He took one last glance at the couple and then practically ran back to his cruiser. As soon as the cop car was out of sight and their window was safely up, Summer burst out laughing harder than she ever has before. It took a little while, but Derek soon joined her. _

Thinking about his dead family was hard, but that simple memory with Summer was worth feeling that pain again. The bliss he felt from thinking about a simpler time was magical. Then out of the blue, for a reason Derek didn't understand, he felt the urge to walk. Something, somewhere was calling his name, and he planned to answer it. Derek walked, and walked, with no idea where he was going. Without realizing it, he found himself at Summer's favorite cliff. The same cliff she claimed him on. He smiled as that memory replayed in his head again and again.

Derek sat down on a large rock to collect his thoughts. He thought about Summer, but mostly, he wondered why he was called to this place. After looking around the clearing for an answer, he finally found it. There was a disturbance by the roots of a tree. Feeling yet another urge, he slowly walked up to the tree. Thinking hard about every muscle he moved, he dug in dirt with his claws. Eventually, he struck metal. It was a rusty, metal box. There was latch holding it closed, and it was just big enough to be a cigar case. For its size, it was rather heavy. The smell of Summer was all over it. Derek's heart stopped.

The distraught werewolf held the box like a baby and trudged back to the barely standing Hale House. Once safely inside with his new treasure, he sat down on the floor Indian style with the box placed on the floor in front of him. Derek stared at the box, breathing in Summer's scent, for the better part of two hours before he went to open it. Derek popped the rusty lid off with ease, and Summer's scent grew stronger.

The contents of the box mystified him. On the top of the box was an envelope with "Derek" written in curly letters; Derek laid that aside. Underneath the envelope there was a large stack of photos and a disk. Carefully going through the photos, Derek began to cry. They were pictures of Derek and Summer together, their families, childhood photos, and even a few pictures from their time in high school. It hurt so bad for Derek to be looking at those photos. When his house burned down, he thought he'd lost all of those pictures, but here they were in front of him. Words couldn't explain how he felt.

When he was finally done with the pictures, he picked up the disk and the envelope and contemplated which to look at first. He chose the letter. The envelope had Summer's red lipstick kiss for a seal. Derek rubbed his thumb over it before he carefully ripped open the seal. Pulling out two papers with Summer's handwriting covering them, Derek began to read. The letter read:

"Dear Derek,

If you're reading this, that means something happened to me. For that, I'm so sorry. When we got together, I knew we could make it through anything together. When your family died, I knew we would survive. When Laura died, I knew we would survive. When your uncle went crazy, I knew we would survive. When the kanima attacked, I knew we would survive. But, when that pack of Alpha's showed up, I had a real bad feeling. I wasn't sure if I'd make it out alive, and I wanted to make sure that I could be there for you to get you through this difficult time, even if it was only through a letter and pictures.

I know this is hard, Derek. You've experience more than your fair share of pain in one lifetime, but I want you to know that I love you so much. I wouldn't trade you for the world, even though my dad begged me to. Ha. Anyways, you need to know that it is okay to be happy, Derek. Please, avoid that dark place you fall into when you lose the ones you love. Find peace, my love.

I also want to say how sorry I am that our plans were forced to be changed. I know that college and a family was something you'd always wanted, and I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you. I only wish that things could have been different. Maybe they would have been if I didn't suffer from that miscarriage while we were in hiding. Maybe we would have stayed there to raise the little one. Maybe your sister would have never come back to Beacon Hills. Maybe Scott would have never been bitten. Maybe your uncle would have never gone crazy. Hell, maybe Laura would still be alive. So many things could have been different, but we had to deal with the cards that were dealt to us. Just know that even if I had known so long ago that I'd end up in an early grave, I still would have followed you to the ends of the earth. You've meant the world to me since we were kids, Derek. We were always meant to be together, and I'm glad to have spent my entire life with you. It may have been cut short, but I am thankful for the ten years we spent mated together.

Also, I want you to know that even though we had our fights, we said hurtful words, and I said on more than one occasion that you were a sorry excuse for a mate, I didn't mean it. I said way too many hurtful things to you when I was angry that I regret now. All those wasted days fighting when we could have been enjoying each other's company… I won't get into the actual things I said, but every last thing I said was a lie… Well, except for you being stubborn, hard-headed, and hard to handle. I won't lie to you my love, but you were extremely hard to love sometimes, but you were perfect for me. You were difficult, brooding, and always rash, but we balanced each other out in a way I couldn't have even dreamt of.

I also want to say this. I know that our kind don't believe in anything after we die, but if by some off chance that there is something waiting for us on the other side, I'll be waiting for you. Take your time too. I have no problem waiting forever for you.

With All My Love, Summer.

P.S. Don't be too hard on the other werewolves either. They are good kids. All they need is a little guidance, love, and patience. They'll be loyal if you be the Alpha I know you're capable of being. Don't forget. They are family too.

P.P.S. I know you're upset and I know you blame yourself like you always do, but don't. I willingly followed. I claimed you first. Hell, I probably got myself killed. You are not at fault, and I'd never ask you to take the burden of my death on your shoulders. I also know that you are rolling your eyes at me right now, claiming that I'm stubborn and an idiot for following you or disobeying what you told me to do, and insisting that it is your fault, that you could have done something different save my life, but quit it. The past is the past, what's done is done, and there is no bringing me back. Accept that, babe. Remember all the good times we had together and forget all the bad. Remember me for who I was, not how I died. After you've taken care of the Alpha problem (and hopefully didn't kill yourself doing it), go back to our hideout, take the pack, and settle into a peaceful life. That's all I ask, Derek. I won't beg you to do anything I know you would never be able to, like maybe finding love in a decent human girl. Just leave Beacon Hills behind and don't go looking for trouble.

Remember, I love you so much, Derek Hale.

Love Always, Mrs. Derek Hale. "

The letter had already been tear stained from when Summer wrote it, and now Derek's tears will join hers. There are no words for how Derek feels. He hardly understands the emotions running through his mind. It's an odd combination of hurt, pain, love, and regret. He wouldn't admit it, but he feels happy too. Something he hasn't felt in a year. He feels happy that he has a part of Summer still alive. He can't help but feel a little happy about how well she knew him. Almost thirty years of knowing each other does that…

Derek can sense it's almost one in the morning, and he's tired. His tear ducts can't take any more crying. He has to go home to clean up his mess before he can catch some sleep. Gathering up the contents of the box, he begins walking towards his apartment. The letter runs through his mind, and he's quickly overtaken by this particular time Summer flipped her top after the miscarriage. Damn, that girl had an attitude.

_The miscarriage occurred a month ago, but Summer was still feeling the effects. Her behavior screamed bi-polar. One moment, she would be hard on herself thinking she was a failure and an inadequate mate, but the next moment, she'd be angry and blame Derek for everything. When Summer left to go shopping, she was in a depressed mood. Derek had tried to stop her from going, but she refused to listen. Summer explained that she wanted to be alone, that she needed to get away for a bit and deal with her emotions. Derek begged and begged for her to stay home cuddled in his arms, but she ignored his pleas and walked out the door. _

_Derek felt helpless. He could feel the pain, the emotions that were coursing through his mates body, but there wasn't anything he could do except give her the space she begged for. Ignoring the animal instinct telling him to cuddle and comfort her, shower her with gifts, and treat her like a princess was really hard, but he had to listen to his human side and give Summer space. Fact of the matter, he wasn't going to win this battle either way…_

_Summer shopped for a gift to give Derek. Both the human and animal felt the need to give him something nice. Maybe he'd forgive her, not blame her, and still keep her as a mate. The she-wolf convinced her mate would kill her for being such a disgrace; the human knowing Derek would never do that to her. Eventually, Summer found something that she thought would redeem her. Hanging on a rack was a black, leather jacket. It was the perfect size for Derek. It was almost like a sign, like it was meant to be. She didn't care about the price. She took it home._

_On the car ride home, the bi-polar behavior kicked in. It was Derek's fault. Everything was Derek's fault. Global warming, the Earth spinning, world hunger, it didn't matter. It was all Derek's fault. The she-wolf was pissed. Her mate was ignoring her. He wasn't giving her attention. He wasn't worshipping her and trying to comfort her! He was ignoring her. Oh, that she-wolf was pretty damn convincing. The human knew Derek was trying; she knew it wasn't his fault or her fault. The human knew all she needed was time to mourn this difficult time so she could move on, but the she-wolf wasn't having any of it. _

_Walking through the door was the cabin, Summer was hell on heel's. She was out for blood. Derek could sense it. He was in trouble… Hoping to break the ice and snap her out of her anger, he says, "Hey baby. How was the shopping?" His voice fine as wine and as smooth as a decent whiskey. The she-wolf didn't process any of it._

_"You stupid son-of-a-bitch! How was the shopping? How was the shopping! You have the __**nerve**__to ask me how my shopping went while you kick back and relax in this fucking cabin like the useless asshole you are? No! You've done __**nothing**__, but ignore me. We all know you don't give a shit about how I'm feeling! Why don't you stop fucking pretending!" Summer's choice of words may have been weak, but the venom that came with them was enough to kill Derek._

_Instead of losing his cool, Derek took a deep breath. "Babe. I do care. I care more than you understand. But what do you want from me? Tell me. I'll give it to you. Do you want me to follow the human and give you your space, or do you want me to follow the wolf and cater to you, my love? I'll give you either. Just tell me what to do…" Derek still hasn't lost his touch for smooth talking. _

_Summer began having conflicting feelings. The she-wolf still pissed off and wanting to rip his face off. The human touched by his words and wanting to forgive him. A frustrated growl is released, but, before she could think any further, the animal took control. Summer shook her head to clear her thoughts. Then, an ear shattering scream escaped her mouth. "No! You can't do anything right! Just… Just take this fucking jacket and leave me the hell alone! Just… leave me alone…" Summer threw the jacket at Derek's face which wasn't exactly nice, but in retrospect, it was better than tearing his face off. Her last few words trailed off into a whisper as the tears began to fall. Derek attempted to console her, but she fled to their room and locked the door. _

_Derek sighed. Her words didn't bother him. He knew she didn't mean it. He knew she was angry and hurt. He let her say and feel whatever she needed to as long as she was healing in the process. _

Derek opened the door to his apartment and saw the scattered mess. He shakes his head. Why did he let his anger take over and trash his apartment? Deciding it's time to clean up his mess, he slowly slips off his jacket. Derek hangs it over a chair. Staring at it for a few moments, he runs his hand over the soft leather. A smile creeps up, and he gets to cleaning up the mess.

Derek's night has been plagued with memories. His emotions and brain working in overdrive. He hopes that the cleaning will clear his head and allow him to relax, but he isn't that lucky. He's halfway done cleaning up when he sees it. A large, broken piece of wood from his nightstand jutting out of the wall. "No. Please. No…" Derek pleads with himself, but it's too late. He is overcome with the memory. His mind occupied with the most painful memory he has while his body is running on autopilot cleaning the rest of the apartment.

_The battle with the Alpha pack raged on. It was bloodier and more brutal than anyone had expected. Deucalion wanted nothing to do with the fight and disappeared early on. Derek was jumping between fights trying to help his pack stay alive. Ethan, Aiden, and Ennis were a lot for Derek and the other young werewolves to handle. Summer, on the other hand, was busy getting bloody with Kali. Kali's specialty is getting into odd positions and using her feet to her advantage. Summer was stronger than Kali. The lilac colored werewolf could kill Kali if it was just one on one, but those pesky Alpha's don't fight fair. Hell, one on one, either Summer or Derek could take them to school, but as a pack, they're too strong. _

_Normally, all werewolves, including Alpha's, are afraid of lilac eyed werewolves, but this Alpha pack was cocky. They believe they are an unstoppable force that even the Sun worships. Everyone hoped that'd be their downfall, but tonight is not that night. _

_Summer is about to deliver the final blow to Kali when she is thrown into a metal beam by Ennis. This gives Kali enough time to recover and attack Summer. Summer's back is too injured to heal in time to stop what Kali is about to do to her. Derek can feel the danger Summer is in. He is mid-fight with one of the twins, and he simply can't get away. Kali drives a large wooden stake through Summer's abdomen. Summer's scream can be heard over all the fighting. Derek practically feels the stake going through him. He frantically throws the twin across the room and makes a beeline for Summer._

_He breaks through the people in time to see Kali's claws make three fatal slashes. One on each cheek and one across Summer's throat. The smell of Summer's blood fills the room. Derek's inner animal in unleashed. He takes off for Kali, but he's too late to stop her from throwing Summer through a cinder block wall. The animal tells Derek to attack Kali, but the human forces him to follow Summer through the wall._

_Summer's body is limp, and she barely breathing. Derek takes her head to rest it in his lap. Both have tears threatening to fall. "It's okay, baby. You'll be fine. You'll heal. You have to be. Please…" Derek tries to reassure her, but she knows it's a lie. She knows her body will never heal in time. This is it for her, and she knows it._

_With her last dying breathes, she says, "Don't lie to be, honey. I love you… Find peace. You'll be okay. Take care of the pack… I'm so sorry…" She attempts to say more, but she can't hang on any longer. Pleased that she told him the important stuff, she lets out her last breath with a smile on her face. Summer's eyes are closed, her chest has stopped moving, and part of Derek died with her. If it wasn't for all the blood and claw marks, Derek would think she was only sleeping. Summer looked so peaceful. _

_A painful howl leaves Derek's throat, and then he shifts. Derek pounces on the opening and searches for his prey with his eyes glowing blood red. The fighting has stopped, and everyone is staring at Derek. He spots Summer's murderer. Kali has a large smirk on her face. She is pleased with her handy work. Derek attacks. The battle restarts, and the Beta's are being used to mop the floor until another sharp cry is released. It's Kali._

_After a fury of claws and teeth, Derek has avenged his mate. Kali suffers before she dies. Her last breaths are painful, fear is written all over her mutilated face, and Derek can't wipe the smile off his. Her body is mangled and damaged beyond recognition. All that is left is her blood staining the floor. The sight of Kali's body puts the other Alpha's on edge. They decide it is best to leave while the getting's still good._

_Covered in blood, his wounds hardly healing, and his body aching, Derek silently walks towards Summer's body with as much pride as he can muster. He gently lifts her off the floor and carries her all the way home. Her home. The home where her entire family is peacefully sleeping. The place where Summer deserves to be buried…_

Derek no longer has the energy to cry. He hardly has it in himself to put the disk into his laptop. Almost asking for more punishment tonight, Derek watches the disk Summer left for him. The beginning of the CD is Summer smiling at the camera dressed up in a formal outfit telling him "happy birthday". Derek's a little confused, but he figures this was something she'd made him ahead of time. As he listens to her speech, he realizes this was supposed to be his gift last year. She died only a few weeks before his birthday…

"Well, baby. Today's your birthday. Happy 28th! I love you so much! I really hope you love this. After twenty-eight years of celebrating birthdays with you, it's getting harder and harder to figure out what to get you. So, after everything we've been through in the past ten years, I figured it'd be nice to go back in time and allow you to remember the good days. The days before our lives grew too complicated. So, I guess that's it. Happy Birthday, Derek! I love you so much, sweetie! Enjoy!" Summer's face fades into black. An old school countdown begins, and then old clips Derek forgot were even taken began playing. Sprinkler fun in the front yard during the hot summer before pre-school, the first grade play Derek didn't want to be in, the second grade field day that Derek purposefully tripped Summer to get the blue ribbon, and the third grade field trip to the zoo where all the animals went berserk. There many more silly clips of Derek and Summer in Elementary School and Junior High. The High School clips involved football games, baseball games, school dances, Homecoming, Prom, Graduation, several "secret" parties they attended, and birthdays. The CD was about an hour long and ended with Summer waving goodbye and blowing him a kiss.

Derek smiled at his laptop, but his peaceful moment was interrupted by the footsteps of Isaac drawing nearer to the door. Derek answered the door before Isaac ever knocked. He didn't say a word, just stared at Isaac with impatience. "H-Hey Derek. I was hoping… I guess I…" The boy stuttered nervously, but Derek gave him a look that said "spit it out before I slam the door in your face". Isaac finally said, "It's lonely at my house. I've been having these nightmares. Erica's death, Summer's death… All of it. I was hoping I could stay here tonight. I-I promise I won't bother you. I just… I dunno… Find comfort in the pack?" Isaac looked around in embarrassment, ashamed of admitting such things to his Alpha.

Derek was about to yell at Isaac for being a coward and slam the door in his face, but he stopped himself. Summer came to mind. She had always had a soft spot for Isaac. Summer would coddle him like a small child, and she'd scold Derek for being too hard on him. The time Derek broke Isaac's arm cost him a slash across the face, being berated in front of his entire pack, and a week on the couch (in that order). Summer showed her dominance right then and there, and there wasn't a damn thing Derek could do about it. Derek also thinks about what her letter said. She told him, "Don't be too hard on the other werewolves either. They are good kids. All they need is a little guidance, love, and patience. They'll be loyal if you be the Alpha I know you're capable of being. Don't forget. They are family too."

Derek sighs at the fact that even in death, Summer is right. She has always been right about everything… Derek opens his door for the scared Beta and allows him inside. Still refusing to say anything, Derek rummages around the closet for a blanket. After locating something soft enough to be slept with, Derek puts it in Isaac's arms. The Beta tries to disappear into the floor from embarrassment, but Derek rests his hand on his shoulder. "You're welcome here any time, Isaac. To stay the night or just hang out, it doesn't matter. Summer would want it that way… You know she'd have my hide for anything less..." That's when Derek does something he has never done for Isaac before. Derek gives him a comforting smile before flopping down on his own bed. Derek hears Isaac curl up on the couch and waits for the boy to fall asleep. Only then does Derek drift off into his dreams about _her_…

* * *

**A/N: First, I hope you enjoyed this one shot. I worked on it for a while and poured my heart out here. I realize I'm a terrible person for making Derek's life even worse. Second, this entire story takes place over a single night. The flashbacks happen a lot faster than they sound. Third, in the beginning, I know it sounds like Derek and Summer don't know each other in High School, and it says they have been best friends forever later. Both is true. They grew up together, they view each other as friends. They both live in the same boat. They are the same age, are both werewolves, and both are dealing with the troubles that come with High School. They find comfort in that, but things are weird between them because they like each other until Derek steps up and gets the girl. I don't think there is anything else I need to explain, but if you have any questions, message me or put your question in the reviews. I will answer you as best I can! If you do review, know that I thank you sooo much!**


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